What it's like to be a  teen mom 

Teenagers are invincible, or so we think. Later on we learn we are not. When you are a teenager, a world of fun and no responsibilities await you every morning. It is one of the best times in our lives, although, as many have learned, as I have, it can be confusing. Your adult life starts as an empty book, waiting to be filled, but it can slam shut fast.
 
You see it everywhere you go. Teenage girls pushing their babies in strollers, chasing after their toddlers in the grocery stores, walking through high school halls with growing bellies. Did you know almost half of the teen girls in your community thought they were pregnant, or are pregnant?Today, thirty-four percent of young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20, which is about 820,000 a year. Eight in ten of these pregnancies are unintended and 79 percent are to unmarried teens. I became one of those statistics at age fifteen.

Teen parenting isn't easy. You must live two lives, one as a teen, and one as a parent. A teen mom faces so many more issues than an "older mom." Dealing with the day-to-day chores that involve a baby, trying to take care of a baby, and getting an education can be very stressful. Going places isn't the same. Before, I would spend all my time getting myself ready, but now that i have a baby, how i looked didn't matter anymore. Trying to go to school, raise a baby, and still grow up, is not easy. And a teen mom faces more than just the bills and the baby. She often deals with becoming stereotypical in the eyes of those around her. That includes strangers, friends, family, or anyone. Many people don't want to acknowledge the fact that it only takes once to get pregnant. When I am in school, you might it's an easy "get away", but deep down I miss my baby more each time I leave her. Being the talk around town often hurts. Closer to home, teen moms have to deal with relationship problems. Boyfriends of any type tend to drop out of the "picture," or promise to be around only to leave later. Often, teen moms will realize he isn't the best person in the world to be a dad, boyfriend, or husband. Child support is a problem, since most young dads are still in school or not making very much money. There are some great teen dads out there, but unfortunately, they are rare.

I didn't realize how big the pressure of meeting the needs of a child would be when I became pregnant at the age of fifteen. My family didn't want to accept it, as any family would have a hard time dealing with their fifteen-year-old being pregnant. But I had a wonderful pregnancy, and for a while my boyfriend supported me 100 %. I was happier then ever, and I gave birth at 7:54 A.M., after thirty-six hours of labor, to a healthy 8 lbs. 1 o.z. daughter that her father and I named 'Elizebeth'. She had ten toes and fingers. She was prefect, and I thought my life was too. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, but everything has a way of turning out in the end, and she is definitely worth it.

The hospital stay and the first week with Elizebeth was awesome. I never felt more loved by Elizebeth's father, and never felt more like a family. But that all changed. Two days after we came home, I was pressured into going to his family's house so his parents could see Elizebeth. That was just the beginning. I've been part of the court system as of 8-9-04. I have been through court for custody, visitation, and now child support.

Court laws can be very stressful and they are not as helpful as I thought they would be. Just because you think something is wrong or right doesn't mean that the court system is going to agree with it. You have to do what's right for your child, but try to imagine spending thousands of dollars on a lawyer, and going back and forth to court, and trying to find time on top of everything else?

I loved my daughter's father with all my heart, and I have a part that still does, because he gave me her and she is the best thing in my life. It breaks my heart to fight him in court. But being taken away from your baby is about the hardest and most devastating thing to ever go through. Having your baby taken away from you for even one minute can kill your heart. Because of the court ruling, I have to be okay with handing my baby over for twenty-four hours at a time, during the week, with no communication, not knowing how she is, where she is, or what she is doing. It makes me stronger knowing that someday she'll be able to make up her mind to this situation. I know that it's good that her father wants her in his life, and I am at least thankful for that.

But try to imagine handing your baby to a third party, who hands my child over to her father, and brings her back. I usually have my mother be my third party, but it's still hard. Not only can these visitations be hurtful, it gives your ex control over you for at least eighteen to twenty years of your life. My baby's father controls both the hours and the days during the week and the weekend on which I can see my baby. Even though I do get three days with Elizebeth, going to school makes it so I don't get many hours with her. These visitation days are very stressful and hurtful for both me and Elizebeth. She likes to take either her blanket or her doll, or sometimes just her bottle, yet her father doesn't want her to take it. Instead when she has it in her arms, he'll take it away from her and leave it on the ground or hand it back to me, only to make her cry. The court system won't do anything about this behavior. For twenty-four hours I have to remember Elizebeth crying because she can't bring something that she loves, while I wonder, is she okay?

Although I'm only sixteen years old, I've had to experience how mean and cruel people can be. I also had to experience a controlling and abusive relationship with my boyfriend. I never expected any of this to happen to me, but most of the time you don't want to believe that it can happen until it's too late. Although my family and friends kept trying to tell me I would get hurt in that relationship, I never wanted to listen to them.

My family also knew that if they kicked me out, or drove me to want to get out, I would be in more danger. I'm therefore thankful that I've realized what kind of warning signs to look for in a relationship. Telling your parents that you're pregnant is the best solution to a healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery. You need prenatal care to help you keep the baby safe. If you believe in not telling your parents, then you're really harming the baby, and not yourself. Think about what is more important: you, or your child.

When I am in school, some say, "Aww", when I show them pictures of her, or "I wish I had a baby. They're just so cute." I usually sigh and roll my eyes. It's not a fun little game having a baby. You might think it's cute and fun to dress them up and show them off, but taking care of a baby when you're still a kid yourself, and to top it off, still trying to go to school, is so hard. It's a lot to deal with. Yet it's something I know that I have to do, to prove to myself and to my daughter that I can make it, even with people saying, "You're too young to do it." People ask me if there's anything that I regret, and I say, "As painful as my experience has been, I would never regret it. It is making me a stronger person."

The only thing that I regret is putting myself through the lies, secrets, and heartbreak of my relationship with my daughter's father, thinking we had a chance just because we had a child together. Having a baby doesn't create a marriage, and it never will. Remember that if you begin sleeping with your boyfriend. Sometimes life throws obstacles at us that are hard to overcome, and we just feel like giving up. But you don't have to. Don't be discouraged by others, and don't let rejection by your parents take away all hope. There are centers out there that can help you. Most of them will give you the push you need to create a stable life for you and your child.

Though it's tough being a young parent, I wouldn't trade it for the world though. My daughter can be a handful at times, but she also brings me so much happiness. I feel blessed to have her in my life. She is beautiful both inside and out. Her personality shows more everyday. She has definitely changed my life for the better. I can't imagine not having her here, and I am glad she exists. I'm proud to be able to call her my daughter, and be known as a proud mother of her.

Believe me, there will still be time to do all you want to, and your childhood can still be the best time of your life, if you let it. But my message that I want all you girls out there to remember is: don't make yourself an adult before you're ready.


                                                                                                                       ~anonymous

TEEN DAD SHARES HIS STORY.

Swahili, the word ‘Imani’ means ‘faith,’” explains 19-year-old teen dad Uniquek, sitting at home in downtown Orange, New Jersey. And he needed faith when he and his girlfriend, Sandra Sanchez, 17, found out that she was pregnant. They were still in high school. They had no home or jobs of their own, but they decided to have the baby.
“I knew I wasn’t ready,” remembers Uniquek, “but neither of us wanted to have an abortion, and it was my responsibility. We were on our own. I was looking for a job, and the baby gave me faith and inspired me to keep looking.”
So, on June 13, 2000, when their baby daughter was born, they named her Imani.
One in every 15 men fathers a child while still a teenager. Uniquek is one of them.
Uniquek, Sandra, and Imani live with his parents in a house. He and Sandra sleep on a bed in the living room. Imani’s crib is also there, along with a stereo and computer.
“I’m thankful my parents accepted me and allowed us to stay in their home,” says Uniquek. “They’ve been there when I needed them the most.”
By the time I arrive at Uniquek’s, at 10 a.m., he’s been up for several hours. His day usually begins at 6. He showers and helps Sandra get ready for her receptionist job at a law firm. Then he gets the house clean before the baby wakes up and needs a bath.
Minutes after I arrive, 10-month-old Imani wakes up. Even though Uniquek sprained his knee playing basketball the day before, he’s very active, carrying Imani in his arms and sitting her on a chair next to him. He whispers in her ear, lifts her up and down, and they laugh with each other. I sit on a sofa across from Uniquek, as we get deep into conversation.

Before I Was a Teen Dad

Uniquek was a junior in Orange High School and a drummer in the school band when he met the new flute player, a freshman named Sandra. After talking to each other for some time, the two started dating.
When Uniquek and Sandra started having sex, he always used a condom. But as time went on, “either I didn’t have one, didn’t have the money to buy one, or we got into the mood and didn’t think about possible outcomes,” he says. (He’d had mandatory sex ed classes in school, but says they weren’t helpful. They didn’t provide condoms, or give out communication tips for when you don’t want to have sex.)
During his high-school days, says Uniquek, “I was always fighting, staying out late at night, playing basketball, hanging out on the streets, and not always going to school. I kept getting in trouble at school for disrespecting the teachers and at home for always coming in late.”
Yet things changed once Sandra got pregnant, a year after their relationship began. After he learned the news, Uniquek talked with both of their families, asking for advice. Then he told Sandra that he’d support whatever decision she made. She chose to have the baby. They got married three months later. He was 18, and she was 15.

Being a Teen Dad

Once they knew the baby was coming, Sandra and Uniquek left Orange High School, to work and prepare for their new family.
“Sandra wanted us to be a financially independent family,” he explains, even though they moved in with his parents.
Uniquek got a sales job at Toys ‘R’ Us. For the first five months of the baby’s life, he worked while Sandra stayed home with Imani. They also got money from both of their parents. Today, their only income is from Sandra’s receptionist job at a law firm; Uniquek stays home with Imani.
After getting back on their feet, Uniquek and Sandra found out that they couldn’t return to Orange High School, because they had left the school system. They started attending Orange night school from 3 to 8 p.m. Even though Sandra’s freshman class graduated in June, she’s currently a sophomore because she lost most of her credits transferring to night school. Most of Uniquek’s freshman class also graduated already.
Now that he’s back in school, Uniquek says he feels good. These days, he stays at home with Imani until 2 p.m. During my visit, he spent most of the time feeding, changing, and playing with her. After 2 p.m., he drops the baby off at his mother-in-law’s, so he can go to school.

Looking to the Future

Uniquek believes that having Imani changed his life for the better. He’s calmer than he was during his high-school days of fighting and hanging out in the streets.
“I look back and know that wasn’t what I should’ve been doing,” he says. “I’ve learned that if I want respect, I have to give it first. Even when someone seems to be disrespecting me, I still have to show them respect.”
He doesn’t regret the decision to keep the baby, although he wishes he’d waited until he finished school and got a good job. “There are times when we’ve wanted stuff for Imani, but can’t afford it,” he says.
After high school, he hopes to attend college for a degree in business or computer technology. College will depend on their finances. Along with his hopes, he has fears. Uniquek’s greatest one is “losing Imani at a very young age,” he says. “With people in this area getting shot and killed, it makes me want to keep her with me.”

But, just as in the beginning, Uniquek has faith that things will be OK.

                                                                                                                          ~Uniquek

               MY STORY AS A TEEN/YOUNG MOTHER

When I was 13 my mum and dad separated. My mother moved to the country with my three younger siblings, and I being a stubborn teen wanted to stay behind with my father. I had just started dating my first proper boyfriend and was new to high school. I lost my virginity to this boyfriend. He cheated on me with my son’s father’s ex-girlfriend. That is how I met my son’s father.
We hadn't even been together for five months when I began to feel really odd. I hadn't missed any periods and didn't think anything of the fact I had been getting sent home from school all the time for feeling sick. I was not even half-way through Year 9. I began a downhill spiral and was hardly even going to school when my father decided that it was just because of mum and his separation. I was sent to see the school Councillor on a weekly basis. This didn't help my attendance at school in any way.
One day my brother and his girlfriend (now married with a beautiful daughter, and another on the way) came to stay with my dad and me. My brother’s girlfriend noticed how I was and threw two home pregnancy tests at me. Hesitantly I took one of the pregnancy tests. One very dragging three minute wait later and there it was. One dark pink line and another very, very faint line also. My first reaction was 'oh no!' I took the other test and S#*t another positive test.
My brother and his girlfriend drove me around to the emergency doctor’s clinic near where we lived. A pee in a cup and another test later and the doctor said “you aren't pregnant.” Thank God. But about a month later I had missed a period. My brother’s girlfriend walked in on me crying in my room and said “maybe the doctor’s test didn't detect it because you were too early?” I couldn't help but think maybe she was right.
So I made an appointment at my regular GP for the next day. When I walked in I was petrified. I opted to get a blood test done just to make sure. Three days later my brother drove me to the doctor’s and came into my appointment with me. There it was sitting right in front of my brother and me. I was pregnant – 8 to 12 weeks as my blood results showed. In the car on the way back home my brother and I rang my dad and told him. He didn't take the news well at all. He thought I was messing with him until my brother confirmed it.

First Ultrasound

My dad came with me to my dating scan. I was 11+4 days. I will never forget it. On the way home he started yelling at me until I broke down, telling me that I was an idiot and that I should get an abortion. My son’s father came around with his mum and step-dad. We sat down and spoke about everything.
My boyfriend and I had decided we were going to keep the baby. I was against abortions and so was he. Sitting on the lounge at my house he rubbed my stomach and told me that he loved me and our baby and no matter what he always will. My father reacted the worst out of all the parents, but in the end he was the most supportive. He grew to accept and love the fact that I was carrying and blessing him with his first grandchild.

The Birth

I had my 'show' on the 24th of December 2013. It was 6:30 am on the 2nd of January 2014 when I started having stomach pains. I walked down the stairs and spent the next four hours in a warm bath before my boyfriend realised I wasn't in bed. He came and checked on me and I assured him I was fine and just uncomfortable, and told him to go to bed and get some more sleep. He reluctantly went back to bed.
When he awoke at 10 am and found that I was still in the bath he asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine and that he should go and do what he needed to and that I would be out soon. An hour later I got out the bath and went upstairs to get some more sleep. I managed to sleep until 4 pm. I lay in bed for another hour while enduring some pretty painful stomach pains. I got up at 5 pm and checked my hospital bag and made sure it had everything I would need in it.
At 6:30 pm I went down stairs to see everyone eating dinner. I decided not to join them as I wasn't hungry and was in pain and proceeded all the way to the bath again. After four hours of sitting in the bath moaning in pain my step mum knocked on the door and asked if we needed to go to hospital. I replied with a simple “Yep.” My boyfriend came in and helped me get out the bath and even put a dressing gown on me.
The drive to the hospital was the worse. When we arrived at the hospital I was three centimetres dilated. If it hadn't progressed in the next two hours they were going to send me home. I was given Pethidine for pain relief and slept for about two hours after that. While I slept my dad rang my mum who lived three hours away, and told her it was time. My mother drove three hours just to see me bring her grandson into the world.
When I woke my room was full of people. My boyfriend’s parents, my parents, my younger sister and my grandmother where all in my room. I made everyone except my partner leave when they checked how dilated I was. I was now five centimeters and they were going to break my waters. When they broke my waters it was the weirdest feeling. It didn't gush like some people say. I only had a small amount of water.
At 10 am on the 3rd of January 2014 it was time to start pushing. At 10:30 am, just a half an later, my gorgeous son Jake Dean Pearce was brought into the world. My partner cut the cord. I didn't get to hold my son straight away as he was cold as he shoulders had gotten stuck. He was put on a heat pad and just a few minutes later was placed into my arms. My partner and I both cried as we held our son for the first time. I was in hospital for three days before I was released.

In the End

Bringing my little boy home was the most amazing feeling in the world. Everything was perfect. It wasn't easy being a mum, a partner, a big sister, and trying to go to school, but I managed.  Within four months things got hectic. My partner wanted to get my son DNA tested before he would believe he was his son. The test was positive. Jake was his son. Four months after Jake was born my partner cheated on me. Jake's father and I are no longer together but we do still have a good friendship. Jake’s father has a girlfriend who is quite caring and doesn't treat Jake any differently to what I do.

What about me?

I am now in a very happy relationship. I am engaged and happy to say my fiancé and I are expecting our first baby together in December 2015. My partner has a son that is just four days older then Jake who he has full custody of. I have never been happier but it wasn't always fun and games. I lost a lot of friends when I fell pregnant and I still don't talk to many people. School was never easy either. I got a lot of criticism but I wouldn't change a thing even if I could.
It is hard to be a young mum and go to school. I stopped going at 6 months pregnant and would leave Jake with my step-mum while I went to school to finish Year 10. In January this year I put Jake in childcare for the first time. I have returned to school and my partner and I live on our own just 15 minutes from my mum and 30 minutes from my dad.

It is hard sometimes but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and seeing Jake running around the house as a happy toddler reminds me to stay strong. I am half way through Year 11 and look forward to finishing high school so I can spend more time with both of my children. It’s not easy and it isn't something you should do purposely. Make sure you are ready. Know the consequences and if you are expecting then please do not expect it to be perfect. There is no such thing.


                                                                                                                              ~Anonymous

This is my story...I am [under 18] years old and pregnant with my boyfriend's baby.Well ex-boyfriend actually. After having dated for a few months,we started having sex but we couldn't agree on somethings so i kinda pushed him away and as such didn't let hi  have sex with me.he pleaded and begged but i didn't give in.As a result we fell out for a couple of weeks after he demanded that he needs space to think about where our relationship was headed.He came around after a month or so and invited me to his place.I went to his house one evening telling my parents (who had no idea I had a boyfriend) that i was at a friend's house.When i got there,i found some of his friends there with alcohol all over the place,so we got drunk together.Apparently,my boyfriend spiked my booze and I didn't suspect a thing when I woke up fully dressed on his sofa. It was only when I went to take a shower that i found my pant wet with what seemed like cum.I confronted him and to utter surprise ,he confirmed that he ha actually spiked my booze to have sex with me since i had"denied" him what was rightfully his as his girlfriend. A few days later,started getting pregnancy symptoms to which i took three tests, all clearly positive. I told my two best friends who really supported me, then eventually went to a teacher at my school, who referred my friend and i to a teacher with more authority. When I was asked if I was pregnant, I lied saying I thought I may be imagining things, and the teachers haven't asked me since. I'm now 2-and-a-half months pregnant and a bump is starting to show, I am constantly getting back pains and cramps in my stomach. When I told my boyfriend, he said he never wanted to see me again and that's how we broke up. I was really scared, but eventually I figured that I had to tell someone who could help and give me advise.Of course abortion is not an option.After all, this baby has done nothing wrong, and I believe that this is what God wanted or it wouldn't have happened. At first I felt very alone, too scared to tell anyone, but I see now that I needed this support. By telling you this, I want to send out the message that, should you be in a similar situation, you are not alone, there is a lot of help out there for you. I told a responsible adult, rather than trying to tackle an unwanted teenage pregnancy on my own. This will change my life, but everything happens for a reason. I hope you learn from or are inspired by my story, and know that no matter what happens, there is always a way to get through it."


                                                                                                                             ~anonymous

                                   YOU'LL GET BY!

Juggling the demands of everyday life plus the additional demands of a young child is difficult for parents of all ages but young mums face a unique and daunting set of challenge.

Everything just changes,the friends you had kind of write you off in terms of what your potential is in life-people will love and support you when its beneficial.You cant blame them because that's exactly what the society does.

Often,when a very young lady gets pregnant,society gives up on them altogether.Some ascribe to those molds and live by those low expectations,others work extra hard to prove themselves.

One piece of advice that i would give to any young lady-particularly those that are either pregnant or have given birth already which in my opinion need this advise the most is,Don't let those circumstances break everything you have worked so hard to achieve.In my previous post i mentioned something quite interesting and important at the same time,forget about circumstances,create opportunities."when life gives you lemon,make lemonade"-cliche,yes but true to the last word.
Remember,your baby is a child of GOD not a child out of wedlock.I think we miss out on our dreams because people talk us out f them,talk us out of our real purpose for being on this earth.

As i read through one success story of a teenage mum,i came across a few hints and tips that i think will be beneficial o you as a young mum.

                                      TIPS AND HINTS

1.Don't quit school;it can be very difficult to juggle with time and financial constrains of schooling and a baby,but it will be worth it in the long run.An education can allow you to provide a better life for both yourself and your baby.

2.Ask for help;"It takes a village to raise a child,"Draw on the knowledge and experience of other mums around you.Find advice,comfort and inspiration in those experiences.
It's hard to accomplish things alone,you can either fall into a crack or fall into a crater,but having people around you that can help and support you think things through is key

3.Get medical care for both of you,you can't look after your baby if you can't take care of yourself.

4.Calm down and take it easy-just enjoy this new tiny person as much as you can,they don't stay tiny for long.

5.Nurse your baby;Take the time to bond with your baby.Physical contact with your baby is so important for both of you.

6.Just try your best;Don't set the bar too high.Push yourself beyond your comfort zone,play your part wholeheartedly,where your strength ends is the place God begins,By Him you win.

Greatly begin!!

                    you can grow flowers or you can grow weeds,you choice!                

Good afternoon everyone!I trust that you are okay in the Lord and that your day is coming along nicely. 

Often times,i am keen to talk to those young mums out there for the mere fact that they have in their possession the leaders of tomorrow.Sadly,most of these young mums aren't actually happy about the whole thing-instead they wallow in sorrow and have themselves a pity party.

With each passing day,they continue to confine themselves by the walls they built themselves and fail to recognize that ray of sunshine that they direly need to keep going,that person-an enigma of sorts that makes life all the more interesting.

They let themselves drown in life but the truth of the matter is,whatever you are looking for is right there in front of you-YOUR BABY!(your baby should be your greatest motivation right now)

Don't dwell on what might have been or the chances that you missed.Focus on the most important thing right now which is our baby.I acquiesce,it was a shock that things turned out the way they did but you don't have to get stuck there,life goes on.

You will only survive the adversities and hard-knocks of life if you let the fire inside you burn brighter than the fire inside you.You must recognize,embrace and be honest about what is real for you today,only then will you be able to build the future of your dreams.

You are probably looking ahead and your future seems oblique.This is because you are looking at it from the wrong end of the telescope, if you ask me.Dare to be creative-combine your intuition with your open mindedness and allow yourself to see things from unconventional perspectives.Be an idealist-have that incredibly resilient attitude and trust me, you will be more braced for the hurdles ahead.

Your mind is your kingdom,dare to dream again.If you dream it,it is just an action away. Forget about circumstances,create opportunities.

If you are a bibliophile,i recommend this book-'The Game Changer' by pepe Minambo. Game changers are people,unlike everyone else, who follow their own set rules to achieve greatness.They break the status quo,follow their paths,believe in themselves and achieve outstanding results in the respective areas.

And to those who have finally found that niche and rose up,my congratulations are in order.
Congratulation for being a game changer
Congratulations for drawing strength from those people who have gone before you e.g your mum,mentor etc
Congratulations for rising beyond your expectations.
You are an outstanding mum with smiles of happy sunshine,arms of everlasting love,touch of sweet roses.

When i was a little girl,something my mum always emphasized to my siblings and me is that its never okay to be mediocre,she always motivated and encouraged us to chase after our dreams and i'm urging you to do the same.
So step out in faith,live life with gusto and decide to become unstoppable today.

SIMPLY AMAZING.